Ah.. I think I’m probably hearing things.. I swear I thought someone’s voice talking to me.. But I couldn’t hear clearly.. It was just something.. @__@;;..

Ahhh… My back hurts and my shoulder hurts lately..

I’m getting old.. Oorrrrr I need to fix my sleeping position LOL..

@__@.. Man.. I haven’t been on here for a few days..

Bleh.. I have nothing productive to do with my last few days of break…

Its depressing a bit cause I’m 90% of the time stuck at home.. Doing nothing productive..

Sometimes dreams are nice or scary.

There was a scary dream I had two days ago.. For some reason it was me chasing a friend.. Then that friend turned to an alleyway for a short cut.. Suddenly that friend stopped and yelled “whoa!” and got shot in the head by a mysterious hooded person.. That friend’s body fell to the ground. I don’t know why I ran towards that mysterious figure (Dumb isn’t it?) but in the end I ended up getting shot multiple times in the stomach and near my heart. Next thing I knew I was laying on the ground. I seemed to be conscious but the mysterious person noticed and shot me in the back of the head.

The weirdest thing is that everything felt so real.. Once I was shot in the back of my head for some odd reason I felt a rush of tranquility and coldness. Everything in that dream slowly start to turn black.. It was weird.. Quickly, I woke up and I was glad that I was still alive.

Though, I wonder what the meaning was for that dream.. So I google’d it out of curiosity.. Apparently it meant that I was subconsciously punishing myself because of an aspect of my persona that I resent..

I guess its true.. But out of everything.. Why that dream? It was scary..

Seriously, I am glad I’m still alive.. Cause I want to see how everything will end up (friends, family, etc)..

Also, this doesn’t mean I’m depressed or anything! I’m still the same person (I hope?) !

Random music for the night/morning.

Hmm.. You do have a good point..

I do spend a lot of my time worrying about others but I don’t really impose my own problems on anyone..

Heh.. Its funny, listening to this song.. It brings me back to those days… Those days where I was really caught up in trying to get over you and not focus on other important things. I’m not so sure why I like you that much.. Even to this day! But its in the past. I mean its not like these memories hurts me anymore. Its just nostalgic thinking about those times. Ah high school.. What a once in a life time trip you were.

LOL… That reminds me.. Why am I so awkward in high school (I still am sadly). I’m pretty sure I would of gotten to know some more people better if I wasn’t such an awkward person.

Oh well.. Not like it matters any more at this point!

Sigh what a sad life and a person I am.

It seems to be that you don’t mind the attention of strangers or people you’re not well acquainted with.. However, to friends or people you know, you don’t really care that they pay attention to you. I don’t understand why you enjoy the attention or care of those kinds of people when there are other people that actually cares (or in your case no one. Since you don’t trust people but you sometimes complain about not having some one to go to). I don’t blame you how you don’t trust people (I understand that people are such disguising at times and probably made you lose faith in them or perhaps humanity by now) but don’t keep a blind eye to people that really do care.

I understand that we’re all hypocrites in one way or another but this is just ridiculous.

As a friend that actually cares A LOT (You don’t know how many times I keep thinking about how much longer you’re going to continue to stay like this) it pains to see you like this. It hurts even more that I can’t do anything about it either. I really don’t mind listening to everything you have to say. If it makes you feel better, I don’t mind at all. Although don’t expect me to answer with something great. I know I’m not the best person to go to for comforting but I know I’m really good at listening. I already over extended my helping hand and I cannot force you to take any help.

I really don’t understand at all.. If you want me to understand by all means do explain. I have time! If for some reason I don’t have time. Don’t be afraid to drop me a message or something. I always get back to people ASAP (I sound like a total loser).

I should stop.. Its not going to get me anywhere… And this never worked out for me in the beginning. Despite what my friend said today.. “Its because you give up”.. I wish I had a strong determination like you are.. Even though you know you’re chasing something impossible.. You knew he is unable be able to look at you.. And yet you still try..

Though its the same for me.. I was chasing after you, even though you were chasing him.. On that day, when I found that out.. I stopped.. It wasn’t going anywhere and you were too slow to realize. It would be wasted time and effort to try to show you how I felt about you.

Its hard to try to do something when you were really stuck on him.. So, what I wanted to do was atleast was support you.

I’m fine with the way things are.. But at the moment.. I’m not really sure what I want to go for… I guess that whats makes me feel like if I’m standing still in life.. Even though I’m not.. Cause I’m trying to search for what I want to do in life.. Due to my perception and my outlook of life.. I wouldn’t consider that moving along in life.. It would be back tracking..

Meh… Random nonsensical rambling