Oh how I dread finals.. Like seriously.. I am running on like a combined total so far of 6 hours of sleep. From Monday till now.. And once I get home from my last final.. I am going to knock out.. Wake up.. And crunch time on some last minute online homework
I don’t know who will read this but you’re probably thinking “OMG ONLINE HOMEWORK?! THAT SOOO MUCH BETTER THAN TEXTBOOK WORK!!” NO LOL.. ITS NOTT! ONLINE HOMEWORK is a pain in the butt! I mean yeah sure you do gain a heck of a lot of convenience but that comes with a price.. Usually its a looot of work!
Oh and you’re going to take a hybrid math class.. Don’t ever do it.. Online math homework is a pain.. You need to be very precise.. If you don’t, oh well you got the whole problem wrong and you have to re-do everything. Yes, this means they change up the problems.
Anyways! As of 1:07 AM.. With a history essay I have to type up, a movie critque and a 71 question true or false study sheet I need to do.. Then I gotta work on the identification part of the exam.. Errgh.. Oh man this is gonna be a long night..
In a more personal thing.. I feel like crap with no sleep.. Like.. Slowly I feel like my brain is just about to crack and burst.. But I can’t let that happen. I have things I need to finish and.. Then I have to go on a trip to visit friends in UCSD.. Why do I do this to myself?
So it seems that I was just used as a crutch to get you up. After you’re able to walk, you no longer seem to want to talk to me or even try to keep a conversation.
I won’t let myself be so naive next time. All those nice things you said were just bull shit on the inside. I am the biggest idiot in this world to let myself believe in your sugar coated words.
I guess this is good bye forever, yeah? There is no way am I going to try to contact you ever again. In addition, with your recent attitude (for the past three weeks) with me; I am convinced you’re not interested in staying friends at all.
I don’t regret meeting you or anything but I do say that I wasted a lot of my time and feelings for you.
Bah whatever, in any case..
Farewell L, Its been quite a semester with you. I wish you good luck in your future endeavors.
Heh.. Based on yesterday, I can tell just by looking at you in the eyes, you don’t appreciate the time we spend together on Tuesdays and Thursdays.. Which spanned over the course 3-4 months now…
Whatever.. I greatly appreciate and treasure them. By far those were the only happiest times I have so far in this college campus. So thank you.. I will always remember them.
At the same time, I feel like an idiot to enjoy/treasure those times because I know you won’t.. In addition, I feel like a total fool for even thinking I might had a chance to be with you.
Oh my, I am just filled with negative thoughts.. Well I suppose this tumblr of mine is filled with them.. About.. 95% ? Probably 98% actually.
[video]
Heh, knew it.. I’m too much of a boring guy. I knew I wouldn’t have had a chance anyways.. I hope that guy makes you the happiest!! That is all I wish for you!
Hmm.. Just when I thought my apathy was slowly going away… Nope! It came back because I guess I couldn’t deal with my own feelings… So rather than me taking it on.. I shunned it away.. Not sure how long it will take for my apathy to regress.. This sucks.. Not being to feel any other emotions… Hahaha I do sound like some kind of robot or a mega super dork…
I really really don’t feel like doing anything.. I don’t feel like doing my homework even when its due pretty soon, talking to anyone, playing any video games, watching anything on youtube, listen to any music… Nothing.. Nothing at all.. This is probably the most serious case of apathy I ever had… Ah, though this isn’t a case of depression or anything. Its just a whole lot of.. Nothing? I wish I can explain this better but all I can say its probably one of the worst thing that a person can experience..
Either way… I shouldn’t have chosen to sleep instead of staying up and dealing with my emotions.. Cause sleeping resets everything for me.. Or rather.. I don’t know.. Perhaps instead of resetting, it just brings back apathy..
I’m only writing this nonsense here cause if I don’t. I’ll probably just go crazy or something.
Heh… I’m starting this kind of stuff doesn’t suit me at all. It never worked to begin with… Hmm, perhaps the worst case scenario may actually come true.. Who knows… There is still time, I guess… We’ll see..
Its funny how feelings works.. Or atleast mines… I don’t know why I always assume these things when in reality it was never like what I hoped to be.. I guess I got too absorbed into my own feelings and kept going back to it.. As a result it naturally grew and of course, its one sided yet again.
This sucks lemons.
I.. Give up..
I HONESTLY HAVE NEVER FELT SO OLD LOL.. My back really hurts QQ..
/endcomplaint.